Talking About Aging at the Tavern on the Hill
We went out to dinner last night, to the Tavern on the Hill, a popular place with a magnificent view of the valley below. The place was packed, the twilight was beautiful, and everybody was waiting for a table out on the deck. The conversation flowed easily with another couple, and the talk centered around parents, in all of their various stages of life.
The man had just lost his mom, so he was faced now with having to deal with his ornery dad, who seemed a disagreeable sort. When mom had her caretakers living in their house, all the attention was paid to her. Dad was grumpy, like a child, wanting more focus and attention on him. Now he needed that same caregiver, who he said he didn't like, to come care for him. He begrudingly obliged, meekly, like a child. Every step of the way, he fights his son, angry and bitter at this stage in life.
The woman talked about her mom and dad, living out in the country near all of their relatives in Virginia. Her mom spends her time rummaging through drawers, trying to find things, and has dementia. She can't remember anything, and is almost always angry at her husband. He retreats out to the four-and-a-half acre lawn to mow, mow and mow, escaping her constant carping. It sounds like a tough life.
We all agreed that as more of us age, these problems will be a bigger part of our lives. It seems to me that the best investment one can make is in long-term care, since that kind of advance planning can bring those caregivers in and pay for the nursing home, that none of us want, but many of us will need. Some day.
The man had just lost his mom, so he was faced now with having to deal with his ornery dad, who seemed a disagreeable sort. When mom had her caretakers living in their house, all the attention was paid to her. Dad was grumpy, like a child, wanting more focus and attention on him. Now he needed that same caregiver, who he said he didn't like, to come care for him. He begrudingly obliged, meekly, like a child. Every step of the way, he fights his son, angry and bitter at this stage in life.
The woman talked about her mom and dad, living out in the country near all of their relatives in Virginia. Her mom spends her time rummaging through drawers, trying to find things, and has dementia. She can't remember anything, and is almost always angry at her husband. He retreats out to the four-and-a-half acre lawn to mow, mow and mow, escaping her constant carping. It sounds like a tough life.
We all agreed that as more of us age, these problems will be a bigger part of our lives. It seems to me that the best investment one can make is in long-term care, since that kind of advance planning can bring those caregivers in and pay for the nursing home, that none of us want, but many of us will need. Some day.
posted by Max Hartshorne at 9:01 AM
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